Ruminations and Cogitations

wandering and wondering….

I am Suspect March 10, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tamera Martens @ 10:01 am
Tags: ,

Traveling on a train to Chicago, an Amish man struck up a conversation with me. We chatted about what I did for a living and he gave me his card. He runs a masonry business. Five minutes into the conversation, he asks me if I’m married. I tell him no. His vibe changed immediately. Have I ever married?, he asks.  I tell him no, never married.  I am now suspect! I can see his mind moving, trying to put the pieces together.

Living in Flagstaff, I am sheltered from these types of conversations. I’m continually surprised when I leave home and am faced with people who determine a woman’s value based on her relationship to a man.  My lack of a relationship to a man puts me in the category of “other” in this man’s eyes. I’ve now become dangerous. I can feel the disapproval coming from him. I excuse myself from the conversation.

The difference for me now, is that I don’t feel the need to make this man feel ok about who I am. I realize that this is “his” problem, not mine – and I don’t have to change a thing.


2 Responses to “I am Suspect”

  1. Heather Martel Says:

    I love when people see through what I think is my obvious queerness to the little woman, just waiting to be swept up into the redeeming arms of heterosexual marriage. I am not aware of her, but she MUST be there. But seriously, it is a bit disconcerting to encounter deluded people…and to become aware that that delusion is normal in large segments of our culture.


    I liked what you said .I think as time passes and we get more comfy in our souls we aquire a quite loving,knowing about ourselves as if to feel in our deepest of souls that being a team member is is a wonderful and I do not need to fight egotisticly to be seen and heard anymore .Do not get me wrong you know me I ALWAYS stick up for those I am loyal to or who have earned my respect and for myself and my personal beliefs and code of conduct .It just feels different iI cannot explain it. I do not feel angry at sociaty anyore, most days. Years ago I wrote this after an experience I had and at that perticular time it felt right……Why are people always crying to their husbands.”Here she comes,the dyke?’ When they no NOTHING about me or my sisters.She puts me in mind of a womyn using her husband as a needlein which to shoot her poisoned malice,killing me with her piercing,staring eyes as if she were invited into my soul.”Dyke,” her husband cried like some automatic toy to be wound up at her command ‘Yes !’ the pride in my voice ,the eyes glistening with renewed courage.Proud and angry ,I faced his wife,who started to talk to me as if she were a spider spinning her web of fear and hate for me and all my sisters.Talking,saying”womyns libber,homosexual,hateful,evil.” “Wheres God” She threads herv words together as one does when making a necklace, a necklave of deep destruction.Not knowing our unity,love,struggle, or herstory.If being a dyke is so evil,why do I love my sisters and sisterhood. THANK YOU for listening Loyalty and everything else me.

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